Many of us want to support our spouses or parents as they become older and, in some cases, more and more dependent on you. As their main carer you may be feeling stressed, tired and torn in different directions by competing demands. If you are feeling swamped, it’s time to have that awkward conversation about getting more help to meet their care needs.
Fears
This may sound easy to some but for most it is one of the hardest conversations you’ll have.
Your loved one may have said that they are happy you are looking after them, they wouldn’t want anyone else or they simply won’t allow anyone into their home; they may be embarrassed, believe they are more independent than they are or fear going to a care home because of what they have seen or heard. It is not uncommon for older people to have a deep mistrust of Adult Social Care and Authorities as they wrongly believe they will be “taken away” to a Care-home.
Starting a conversation about care needs
Find a comfortable space and the time and start by reassuring your loved one that you care deeply and only want the best for them.
You may need to reassure them that nobody can “take them away” to a care home unless they agree.
You may also want to say that by finding some extra help, you will have some quality time with them, doing things you both enjoy.
How you feel
Telling them how you feel is probably the hardest bit as you probably don’t want to upset your loved one, make them feel like a liability or feel guilty.
Sometimes, out of fear or anxiety, a loved one may make you feel guilty by saying upsetting things like “just send me away and be done with it”. Try not to overreact, simply continue to reassure them that you love them and only want what’s best for all of you.
Care provider information at your fingertips
It may help to have researched information about Care Providers and what the options are.
This might be daily home care, companionship, personal care or home help; other alternatives include live-in care, sheltered accommodation or residential care.
Reassure them that decision is theirs but you simply can’t continue to provide all of the care and that you need help.
Listen with care and empathy
Listening to them is important, it helps you to understand your loved ones anxieties and be able to provide them with the information and reassurance they need. It’s easier if you are able to put yourself in their shoes, how might you feel? Empathy is key to building the trust needed for your loved one to accept you need help to care for them.
Ending the conversation
Ask your loved one to think about what you have said and decide which care solution they would like to look at. Explain that, once they have made a decision, you can organise to meet and talk with care providers, together.
Further support
For help and support to have this conversation, independent care advice, information and care solutions contact info@familycareadvice or give us a call on 0116 2404 976. The first 30 minute discussion is FREE and totally without obligation.
