Many of us want to support our spouse, parents or loved ones as they become older and sometimes more dependent on others. However, you may be feeling increasingly stressed, tired and torn in different directions by competing demands. It might be time to have that difficult conversation about getting more help.
Your loved one may have said that they are happy you are looking after them, they wouldn’t want anyone else or they simply won’t allow anyone into their home; they may be embarrassed, believe they are more independent than they are or fear going to a care home because of what they have seen or heard. It is not uncommon to have a deep mistrust of Adult Social Care and Authorities as they believe they will be “taken away” to a Care-home.
Starting a conversation about care needs
Find a comfortable space and time, do not rush the conversation.
Start by reassuring your loved one that you care deeply and only want the best for them.
You may need to reassure them that nobody can “take them away” to a care home unless they agree.
Discuss the positives, for example, you will have some quality time with them, doing things you both enjoy or they can remain living in their own home with help.
How you feel
Telling them how you feel is probably the hardest bit as you may not want to upset your loved one, make them feel like a liability or feel guilty.
Sometimes, out of fear or anxiety, a loved one may make you feel guilty by saying things like “just send me away and be done with it”. Try not to overreact, simply continue to reassure them that you love them and only want what’s best for all of you.
Care provider information at your fingertips
It can help to have researched information about Care Providers and what the options are.
This might be daily home care, companionship, personal care or home help; other alternatives include live-in care, sheltered accommodation or residential care.
Reassure them that decision is theirs.
Listen with care and empathy
Listening to them is important, it helps you to understand your loved ones anxieties and be able to provide them with the information and reassurance they need. It’s easier if you are able to put yourself in their shoes, how might you feel? Empathy is key to building the trust needed for your loved one to accept you need help to care for them.
Ending the conversation
Ask your loved one to consider the options and what they’d like to do next. Explain that you can organise to meet and talk with care providers, together and reassure them nobody is going to force them to do anything.
Further support
For help and support to have this conversation, independent care advice, information and care solutions contact info@familycareadvice.co.uk or give us a call on 0116 2404 976. The first 30 minute discussion is FREE without obligation.
Michaela x
